Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Self confidence first, gender for later.

Someone on your circle of friends will sooner or later suggest you to use Tinder, the following question to that is “how does it work?”, and you’ll hear the typical answer, “you can meet random people and you can hook up”. Cool...

So what if you actually want to meet someone?. Let’s be honest, most of the people there is looking for one night stand. Tinder is like an online club… girls are there to be convinced, and guys are there to convinced them. But that makes me ask myself, since when such polarisation between genders exists on earth?. What if you really want just to meet someone? I mean, to really meet someone… to find another mind out of those you’re used to in your daily life. I have friends that think talking two weeks straight to someone without getting sex it’s boring… what are they thinking?.

I like talking on daily basis, if we saw our picture and we liked each other, why wouldn't I want to know you? You know that phrase everyone says of "be yourself", I'm always myself and I have to accept the fact that precisely being myself won’t be that much of interest. Don’t misunderstand me, I do not think I am a boring guy, all the contrary. But what do you look for in someone you want to hook up with? Their vision of the world? no… just a picture. I have had many Tinder matches, no one wants to talk about themselves or at least, about something worth talking about… that just proves that you’re either afraid or empty, and if that is the case, I don't want to know you, even if you're the sexiest person I've seen, because what your body can offer in a night, I can have it from someone that could seduce me with her mind first, and I could have it for several months. I know I’m sounding kind of dogmatic, but I really wonder, why people wants to just fuck? what does that offer in life? what does one achieves?. If there’s something I’ve learnt on my step for mankind is that the depths of someone’s mind is always worth exploring. 

For us, guys, this thing is so difficult, I used to think that it was only me, but is everywhere around. Personally, I always felt horrible because I couldn’t have one night stand, because that is what we are supposed to do. What if you’re not a person who might like having one night stand? What if you are not like that?. I know, any guy friend will tell me I’m lying with something like this; “will you tell me that if a girl just comes to you and tell you to fuck her you’ll say no?”… Of course I’ll say yes, if that happens. But even, if it does, in which circumstances?, because when I was 18 a girl wanted to have sex with me in my parent’s car, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that, precisely, it wasn’t my car. That my mother or my father will probably use the vehicle the very next day, wouldn’t that be disrespectful and disgusting?. Yeah they won’t know, but I will. I am not religious, I’m not even close to be conservative, I just have a common sense I think we guys should have… If not, why are we seen as a gender of cavemen?. This girl wanted to fuck me right there and I’m not supposed to think for myself? What if I really liked her? What if I wanted to be with her in another way? The intimacy of a room, for instance. I had to do it just to mark it as done on a checklist of fantasies? My point is… why do we have to be so standardised within the gender?. 

Most of my teenage days I though I was gay, I really did, I thought I was so wrong, so out of place on this earth, I couldn’t, in any way think differently, not with my environment, because no one else around me thought differently, not even my gay friends, they used to tell me one day they'll see me with a guy. And there you are, on a race you started running because someone screamed to you “go, go!” when you were too distracted -you were being a kid-, to have the chance to stop and ask them… “wait a second, why am I running for?”. It's enough to just have a conversation with my male friends to realise that this gender thing is a jail for everyone. I mean, even for those who apparently enjoy to just have a different girl per week, what are you gaining? Where are you growing!? as a person, as a human being, for god’s sake. Your penis is not exclusive, it’s not an ultimate weapon, there is so much imagination that can deliver pleasure to a woman beyond the penis. We can’t be that basic. I think society needs to rethink manhood urgently, we are in these times of defending equality without paying attention to the fact that to gain that, first both parts need to see themselves as equals inside their respective gender. Women should have same rights as men, yeah… men needs to put their shit together first.
I was once playing Mario Kart with my nephew, a very childish videogames, he was playing with Princess Peach’s character… he was around 5 years old… five!… and the father comes (my brother), and realising he’s playing with a female character he tells him “What are you doing playing with a girl? you have to choose a male character”… he was five, he was enjoying deeply within his childhood, he was into the music, the vivid colours, the funny voices, the competition… he was into everything except into if he chose a girl or a boy. And there he was then, in front of his father, disarmed, thinking how wrong he’ve done… and I asked myself inside, are you helping your son to grow or are you inheriting your fears on him?. 

Self confidence first, gender for later. I was never self confident -with anything-, and since I’ve been able to disarm myself from the gender jail I have actually realised I can be confident -with anything-. Living your life as a gender close your eyes and cover your ears, while at the same time you currently live in a world of powers that want you to be blind, deaf and dumb. So fight against what you can defeat. I have friends that can fuck a different girl every week, and yet they are unconfident in the most idiotic things… again, self confidence first, gender for later... when you’re right there in bed and everything turns animal, when you’re delivering what you’re naturally predetermined to give. There be the man, because physiologically we can be a gender, but humanly we can be as diverse as the universe itself.