Wednesday, August 31, 2016

We live in a world of walls… what if we push them?

I learnt something about justice when I was in my 1st year of High School. Back in the days intimidation wasn't something labeled as bullying, but I suffered at times from this, sporadicly. There was this classmate of mine which had a crush on the same girl I had a crush on... this friendly, popular girl that smiles at everyone. So this guy and I didn’t have the greatest relationship ever, however we used to spend some time together, because we were both very unnoticed in the school. We used to fight over silly things, I don’t even remember one specifically, but I remember the relationship was always uncomfortable. 

One morning, outside the classroom, within the recess time, I was with few friends, talking. This guy comes to me to be annoying as always and ignoring him was always my weapon. I was maybe even afraid of raising my voice, but back then when I was bullied, I couldn’t really frame myself fighting with anyone. To fight requires to be angry, with life, with oneself, and I wasn’t even close to that. My family was great to me and I used to have so much things to enjoy outside school, things that were so mine, that I couldn’t possibly develop rage then. That morning I had a sandwich my mom did for me as any other morning of my life in school, I didn’t take it out of the bag to consume it because I hated to be seen in school having my mom’s food. Apparently we all suffer from this “fear” once in our life, but now I just can think… who the hell in my school had the blessing of having a mother who could be awake at 5am just to prepare her son a proper and nutrient meal for the day? No one. Very few. 

Anyways, the fact that I wasn’t eating at the moment did not meant I wasn’t about to eat my breakfast… I used to wait until the recess ending, to then eat without being seen by anyone, even if that could make me arrive late to class. But this morning, this particular morning I won’t be able to eat at the end of the recess, because the recess ended right there. This guys comes to me and starts kicking me, he never went physical on me, but for some reason this morning he decided to and he started kicking me in the ass. I ask him to stop what he’s doing, and I remember clearly pointing at the fact that in my bag I had my sandwich, and I didn’t want my breakfast to be ruined by his foot. He’s careless as always and he keeps kicking me no matter what, until finally he reaches my bag with his foot (my sandwich). I then lost my patience and I confronted him rudely, he confronted me back, and in a matter of seconds we’re fighting in the middle of the school. He’s trowing his fist at me, and I’m replying by just standing and blocking myself with my arms. Once in that situation I only could think “Is this necessary?”. As I see he wouldn’t stop until he could ground me, and as I see everyone is gathering around encouraging us both, I decided to throw my fist on him, right at his face… I broke his glasses, and he starts crying.

When everything is over, a lecturer comes to us and take us to the office. In there, we’re both seating in front of the coordinator, while he’s crying… the coordinator asks “so, what happened?”… I explained myself to her, I explained that he was bothering me and that he kicked my mother’s food. He excuses himself, he calls me liar… I’m expecting the coordinator to fully understand the situation and act accordingly to what was happening. In less than five minutes my expectations fell down, when the coordinator tell us “Okay... you guys like the same girl, right?”… I couldn’t believe such question after I just explained to her what happened. So I answer honestly “Yes… but that has nothing to do with this”. I explained again he kicked my mother’s food. My coordinator says “I understand, you guys like the same girl, and that’s why you’re fighting for”… I was speechless, back then I couldn’t realise the laziness of this woman of actually doing her job. She continues “You guys never had this behaviour, so as it is the first time, I will let you guys go… but next time I will suspend you”. She tells us to go.

I went outside that office tremendously confused. I remember I was just so disappointed at the fact that when I entered that office I thought there will be justice to what just happened to me, and I left feeling that everything that happened was just in my imagination. So at the end, who bullied me? It was my classmate or my coordinator? “the authority”. I’m pretty sure that such event didn’t disappeared from my mind because today I can see in it, first, the uncomfortableness I felt from my school that I never could explain in words was intrinsically attach to the fact that they as institution does not care even a bit of the students as individuals, and second, there in such small event I can notice why the world lives in such state of decadency. How many students in the year before and after what I lived have crossed through that office, probably with biggest problems, how many students have crashed with such walls of ignorance?.


We live in a world of walls… what if we push them?